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At the touch of love

Fr. Habel Melki Makarius, CM

When Love give power…

Life is a choice. I feel that my life is filled with choices. Starting from little things, such as what time to wake up, when to eat and drink, and to a more complicated cases, such as choices of life. This will lead to the issue of “what benefits can I get for my life?” Or can I live happily with my choices? However, by the end of the day I have to make my choices.

            Being an aspiring priest is my choice. It is hard for me to be accountable for my life choice. Tasks are numerous, community events have to be followed, plans to make, and many problems. I end up asking is it true for my life? Sometimes I feel bored and tired, however some other times I am passionate in doing these. This reminds me that life is a responsibility. Sometimes I feel that I find a grain of sand in a bowl of sugar, things are not as easy as they are said.  This is called the beauty of my responsibility.

            An option to become a priest is not easy and instant. Everything needs a long process. In this process sometimes I have to cry, feel painful, fall down, and want to quit. But my consciences says I should never give up, and trust myself to be the owner of the vocation. Because as long as you feel happy that is where the heart is.

            The ups and downs of vocation are natural things to happen. Of course, it is not fun when I have to fall down and lose my spirit. I am strengthened by the feeling that there are forces that require me to get up and stand up straight, staring at a bright future. That power is love. Love always comes just in time. When I feel empty my heart will be filled instantly by the love of God.

Similarly, when I feel discouraged and confused by my choices , I try to find love that has changed and led me to the seminary. Without fully realizing what has happened, my problem can be resolved. Little by little I could make friend with my problems. Some other times, I am guided to solve my own problem by reflecting it in my daily journal. My friends, seem to be happy living their life choices, why cannot I? So I can be happy like my friends. I am happy because I always find love. Loving my choice is my way to live my present life. Happiness doesn’t mean hating the other option. Happiness is because I love my choices. And is not only from pleasant experiences but also painful experiences. There’s always love there that carries and leads me back to my life choices. From this case I believe that there are benefits from the choice I have made.

When I must choose….

            This is my experience about my choice. I think this experience is amazing for me. It happened when I was in Junior High School. All of this because of God and the love of my parents. One day when I was about to accept the result of Final Exam, mom and dad asked me about my study. Dad said “My son, where are you going to continue your study after Junior High School?” I was confused to answer it. Why? Because I was afraid to tell to them that I would continue my study in the seminary. I wanted to become a priest. I knew that dad and mom did not agree with my choice. I was quiet very long, so my dad asked the same question again. And I encouraged myself to answer the question. “ I am going to continue my study in seminary, dad. “ Suddenly mom asked me again “What? You want to continue your study in seminary? Are you sure with your choice?” “Yes I am, mom” I said, confidently.

After that we were silent and said nothing until my grandmother came. She asked why we were silent. And mom said to her that I wanted to continue my study in the seminary. My grandmother had good response with my choice. She agreed with my choice to become a priest. She convinced mom and dad that my choice was good and noble. Finally they agreed with my choice. I gave thanks to my grandmother because she had helped me to convince that my choice is true.

But it is only my plan. I did not know about my result of Final Exam. If I had not passed, then I would not have been able to continue my study in the seminary. To face this I could put my fear in only the hands of Lord. When it was the time to get my result, mom and I went to my school. I was afraid. The feeling was intensified when I saw my friends to cried because they didn’t pass the exam. I didn’t know why my envelope of Final Exam was given the last by the headmaster himself.

After everybody got the envelope, I know they didn’t pass. I was very afraid. Finally the headmaster gave me my envelope. When I opened it, I cried because I thought I did not pass either. But mom opened it again. When she opened, she looked very happy and suddenly kissed me. She said that I passed. I saw that envelope again, and I was sure that I passed. I was very happy. At my school only two person passed. They were my friend (Ari Kusmita) and me.

I gave thanks to God. God heard my prayer, and He called me. He always leads my life and chooses me to follow Him in my vocation. My life’s experiences are the love of God. Without God I can not do anything. I see that all of my experiences are divine providence. I am sure that my life can make my parents happy.

When I write the Journal….

As I go through the journey of my choice, then I get new strength. Each experience must be reflected. The trick is to write a journal every day. A journal may give new nuances in life. A journal helps to look back, look the present time and to see my future. The following is one example of my journal:

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Life can not be separated from existing experiences. If someone does not have the experience, it is obvious that he is dead. He does not live. He does not realize that his life experience gives language to the soul that really touches one is heart, at the deepest. A heart needs to be touched by life experiences. Both pleasant and unpleasant ones. So herein lies the life. The life that gives the color of every life’s journey. Although sometimes we are not able to remember our life experience in details but which become significant is not the series of events but a series of meanings obtained during life.

Do not be afraid of experiences!

            The future is an uncertain path with no end. But I remains convinced that the joy of our little heart can penetrate trees, hills, large rock that blocks our view to look ahead. Make sure the steps we are taking are steps to keep our dreams in the future. The life experiences are treasure. An experience is an invaluable treasure.